Just a Breath Away from Perfect
by IzzytheGreat14
Summary: A Phineas and Ferb adaptation of the Broadway musical Next to Normal. Twenty years into the future, Phineas and Isabella are married, with kids. But when a tragedy strikes, will they be able to pull through and make their family work, or will grief tear them apart? Rated T for language and minor suggestive themes. Trigger warnings in A/N.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! It's me (duh), back again, with a Phineas and Ferb adaptation of a musical called Next to Normal. It's an amazing show, 10/10 would recommend. It's set about twenty years into the future for Phineas and Isabella.**

 **However,** _**there are a few trigger warnings for later chapters to PAY ATTENTION TO. I will remind you of each trigger warning at the beginning of said chapter.**_

 **!Trigger Warnings!**

 **-Self-harm**

 **-Suicidal thoughts/suicide attempt (though not at all detailed in the execution thereof, just mentioned as an important part of the story)**

 **-Character Death**

 **I think that's all of them...if you guys do spot one that I missed, please, let me know! My first priority as a writer is to take care of my readers, and I need your help for some of that.**

 **Now, the disclaimers, haha.**

 **I do not own Phineas and Ferb, Next to Normal, or the OCs Marie Flynn and Thomas Fletcher. I do not make any money off of this, it is done for pure enjoyment and entertainment.**

 **Now, on to the story!**

 **You know you love me, IzzytheGreat14**

/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0

Isabella Flynn heard her son shut the front door as quietly as he could, then turn to sneak through the dining room up the back stairs.

He jumped when he saw her, sighing and turning on the charm he'd inherited from his father.

"What are you doing up? It's three thirty," he teased, shifting nervously.

"This is the seventh night this week I've had to wait up for you. You could have died," Isabella scolded. "Do you know how many ways I've imagined, just in the last hour?"

"Ah," he grinned. "And your favorite way tonight?"

"A freak September ice storm, with no warning-"

"Because those happen-"

"Or a gang war, or a bird flu, or a train accident…"

He chuckled.

"What did we say about watching the news?"

"Are you snorting coke?" Isabella demanded shrilly. Her son scoffed.

"Not at the moment," he said innocently.

"Who's up at this hour?" Phineas's voice drifted down the front stairs. Isabella and her son grimaced.

"Your father," Isabella sighed. "Go, up the back way. Hurry."

"Why does he hate me?" the boy groaned, already making his escape.

"Because you're a little twat," Isabella called after him.

"You can't call me a twat," her son protested, but as he was already retreating out of earshot, Isabella felt no need to retort.

Phineas walked into the kitchen as Isabella stood. He walked over and hugged her.

"Everything okay? I heard voices," he mumbled, and she chuckled.

"Oh, it's just me, talking to myself, you know," she teased. "Now you head on upstairs. I'll be up for sex in a minute."

Phineas drew back, resting his hands on her hips.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he said.

"Go," she replied, pushing at his chest. He grinned and dashed off to the bedroom.

"I don't know how our family would work without my help," Isabella muttered to herself. "But somehow, despite the fact that my son's a little shit, my husband has fallen into a boring routine, and my daughter, though a genius, is a freak...we manage to make it perfect."

She turned to go upstairs and almost ran into her daughter, who was carrying an armful of textbooks and worksheets.

"Marie! It's...four in the morning, is everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah," Marie cried. " I just have three more chapters of calculus, two physics worksheets, a history test, and two pages on floral imagery in Flowers for Algernon, which is, like, duh! Everything's so under control, it's like….calm."

"Honey, you need to slow down. Take some time for yourself. I'm going to have sex with your father," Isabella stated, shedding the robe she was wearing over her nightgown and hurrying up the stairs.

"Great!" Marie called after her. "Thanks! I'm...so glad I know that."

She dumped her books on the table and sighed, going to the fridge for an energy drink.

"How do I manage this?" she groaned. "Is every family as screwed up as ours is? I can't wait to get out of here. I feel like I'm dying sometimes."

/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\

Isabella tied the sash on her red dress as Phineas did up the buttons on his dress shirt.

"That was great. Wasn't it great? Christ, I'm late," he sighed.

"That'll teach you to take a whole ten minutes," Isabella muttered, pulling her hair into a bun.

"What?" Phineas frowned.

"I said, isn't it a beautiful day?" Isabella chimed cheerfully, putting her customary bow in her hair.

"Yeah!" Phineas agreed. "I mean, it's cloudy and rainy and really cold for September, but...beautiful."

"Really makes you wanna dive in with both feet, doesn't it?" Isabella smiled serenely, heading downstairs.

"Absolutely," Phineas called after her, then sighed as he readjusted his blue tie.

"I never know what's she talking about," he murmured.

/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\

"You're going to be late," Isabella admonished her son as he walked into the kitchen. "You have a huge day."

The boy just laughed and took the freshly-made sandwich she offered him.

"You have no idea what I do all day," he challenged.

"Jazz band before school. Class. Inventor's club, then football," she told him, making a sandwich for Marie.

"Not bad," he laughed.

"Now get out of here," she said affectionately, making another sandwich as Marie entered the kitchen.

"Good morning, sunshine," her brother teased, but she ignored him in favor of talking to her mother, and he left.

"So, I got the date for my winter recital," she said, grabbing a sandwich from the counter. "Do you think you guys can come?"

"We'll put it on the calendar," Isabella chirped, making yet another sandwich.

"Mom, the calendar is still on April. Of last year," Marie pointed out, and Isabella frowned.

"Oh. Well, happy Easter," she said, continuing to make sandwiches.  
"Happy Easter, Mom," Marie sighed as Phineas entered the kitchen.

"Hi, sweetheart," Phineas greeted his daughter.

"She is on _fire_ this morning," Marie informed him, and Phineas nodded.

"Oh, I know," he hummed. Marie scrunched up her face.

"Eww," she complained, leaving the room.

Phineas opened the fridge and sighed.

"Honey, will you do the shopping today? I'm slammed at work and we're out of everything."

Isabella nodded, halfway through another sandwich.

"I keep cave clean. You go out, get fire," she said.

"Absolutely," Phineas smiled, and sighed.

"Again, no clue," he muttered, and left the kitchen.

"We're the perfect loving family," she reassured herself as she ran out of room for the sandwiches that she was frantically making on the table and moved to the chair, then the floor."

"Just another day," she muttered. "Hold it all together. We're the perfect loving family."

Phineas walked back into the kitchen.

"Isabella?" he said, but she didn't seem to hear.

"I will keep it all together. The world just keeps on spinning.," she said, still rapidly making sandwich after sandwich.

She ran out of bread and reached for more, settling back onto her heels when she couldn't reach it.

"I think the house is spinning," she said, almost pleadingly, looking up at Phineas.

"Isabella, honey," he said, and Marie entered the kitchen.

"Dad?" Marie said, looking at the scene in front of her.

"Don't worry about it," Phineas said. "Go on ahead. You'll miss the bus."

"Mom?" Isabella heard her son say, and she raised her head to smile shakily at him.

"Everything's fine. I'm just making sandwiches. On the floor," Isabella said. "Go on ahead, you'll miss the bus."

"Go," said Phineas, and both siblings left.

"Sweetie, everything okay?" Phineas said, and Isabella furrowed her brow, gesturing to the sandwiches.

"I wanted to get ahead on lunches," she explained feebly.

"Sure," Phineas agreed. "Let me help you up."

Isabella accepted his help, leaning on him once she was up.

"Guess I got carried away," she said ruefully.

"Maybe a little," Phineas reassured her. "Let's go see Doctor DuBois. This is just a blip, okay? Nothing to worry about."

Isabella nodded shakily, releasing her husband and making sure her bow was still in place.

"I'll wrap up the, uh, sandwiches," Phineas continued, "and then we'll go."


	2. Chapter 2

**So I'm back again.**

 **And just a side note, for those wondering/worrying about it. I realize that according to established canon, they are very OOC. But twenty years and mental illness kinda has a way of changing a person, and everyone around them. And tragedy, also, changes people a lot. So just bear that in mind.**

 **As to why Marie doesn't recognize Thomas, my current reason for that is when Ferb went to college, he and Phineas grew apart. Phineas's subsequent marriage to Isabella as well as Ferb and Vanessa's wedding and their children all kinda got in the way, and Phineas and Ferb don't talk anymore, even about each other. As a result, Marie and Thomas have never met, and neither one knows that their dads used to be best friends as well as stepbrothers.**

 **No reviews to answer. Hmm. Oh well, I guess that's what I get for going MIA for three or four years.**

 **So anyway, enjoy this chapter. No trigger warnings, but a bit of coarse language.**

 **You know you love me, IzzytheGreat14**

/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\

Marie was viciously pounding out a Mozart sonata on the school practice room's (horribly out of tune) piano when she heard the door open.

A tall, skinny boy with brown hair and blue eyes peeked in as she stopped playing in surprise and turned to face him.

"Sounds good," he said weakly, slipping all the way into the room as Marie frowned.

"I still have this practice room for seven and a half minutes," she informed him.

"Yeah," the boy agreed. "I mean, I know. I just like to listen."

Marie raised an eyebrow.

"I'm Thomas Fletcher," the boy blurted.

"Marie Flynn," the girl replied.

"Yeah," Thomas said again. "I mean, I know."

"It's a little creepy that you know," Marie said flatly.

"We've gone to school together for, like, six years…" Thomas said, almost questioningly. "I sit behind you in four classes."

"Also creepy," Marie muttered, turning to the piano again.

"You're in here a lot. Before school and after," Thomas noted, and Marie sighed.

"Right. Seven minutes," she said pointedly, and his face fell.

As Thomas turned to leave, Marie chuckled.

"You give up way too easily," she said, and he stopped and turned to face her again.

"You're kind of a confusing person," he said.

"You should meet my mother," Marie said with a wicked grin, and as Thomas watched, she attacked the piano keys once more.

/\0/\0/\0/\0/\

Phineas sat in the car, watching as Isabella disappeared into the clinic. He sighed and sat back into the seat.

"Who's more crazy?" he mused. "Izzy...or me? Her, who can't cope with...well, life, or me, who hopes it'll all go back to normal? She's the one who goes to the doctors. She can't even drive, let alone be her brilliant 24-year-old self again."

With a rueful chuckle, he settled in to wait.

"But I'm the one talking to myself."

\/\

Isabella tuned her doctor out as he droned on about her pills.

What an odd relationship we have, she mused internally. He knows all about me, and I know...his name. Hmm. Well, at least he'll always take my calls. Like a lover, almost? But no lovemaking.

She chuckled softly.

/\/

 **Flynn, Isabella. Bipolar-depressive with delusional episodes. Sixteen year history of medication. Adjustment after one week.**

/\/

"I've got less anxiety, but...I have headaches, blurry vision, and I can't feel my toes."

"So, we'll try again, and eventually, we'll get it right."

"Not a very exact science, is it?" Isabella drawled.

Doctor DuBois chuckled and turned, handing Isabella a list of medications.

"Oooh, thank you, doctor," she said, scanning the list. "Valium is my favorite color. How'd you know?"

/\/

Marie leaned against the wall as Thomas idly plunked a tune on the piano.

"It's just...the thing about jazz is…how do you ever know if you've got it right? It's just making shit up."

"Which is also known as the act of creation," Thomas pointed out.

"Oh, you're one of those pretentious stoner types," Marie joked.

"That's totally unfair. I'm not pretentious," Thomas laughed. "And I'm definitely not classical. It's so rigid and structured. There's no room for improvisation. You have to play the notes on the page."

Marie raised her eyebrows. "Yeah, and what did Mozart know anyway? He shoulda just smoked a bowl and jammed on Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

"Yeah, let's do that," Thomas grinned.

/\/

 **Flynn, Isabella. Second adjustment after three weeks. Delusions less frequent, but depressive state worse.**

/\/

"I'm nauseous, and I'm constipated… Completely lost my appetite and gained six pounds, which, you know, is just...not fair," Isabella sighed.

/\/

Marie sighed, head in Thomas's lap as he played the piano. She adjusted the hem of her orange jacket.

"I have wasted, like, weeks of practice with you in here improvising," she mumbled, pretending to be angry, but both of them knew she didn't mean it.

"Oscar Peterson was classically trained," Thomas observed.

"Beethoven did cocaine," Marie fired back.

"Miles Davis went to Juilliard," Thomas retorted.

"Mozart wrote poems about _farts_ ," Marie snarked.

Thomas's throaty laugh filled the practice room.

/\/

 **Flynn, Isabella. Third adjustment after five weeks. Reports continued mild anxiety and some lingering depression.**

/\/

"I now can't feel my fingers or my toes," Isabella complained to Doctor DuBois. "I sweat profusely for no reason. Fortunately, I have absolutely no desire for sex. Although, whether that's the medicine or the marriage is anybody's guess."

"I'm sure it's the medicine," the doctor reassured her.

"Oh, thank you. That's very sweet," Isabella grinned.

Then she shot him a level look.

"But my husband's waiting in the car."

/\/

Phineas sighed, glancing at a picture of him and Isabella in their first summer of college. She was beaming at the camera, cheek pressed to his chest as she wrapped her arms around him. His face was in her hair, lips pressed to her temple, eyes closed.

"I miss that," he sighed. "When she was brilliant, and brave, and so young. We were so young, and I was so dumb, and now...I'm just old, and tired."

He slumped forward, resting his head on the wheel of the car. Waiting for Isabella...forever waiting for Isabella.

"Love is blind, they say," he scoffed. "Oh, believe me, it's not. Love is completely insane."

/\/

 **Flynn, Isabella. Seven weeks.**

/\/

"I don't feel like myself," Isabella said dully. "I mean...I don't feel...anything."

Doctor DuBois nodded.

"Hmm," he said. "Patient stable."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! So this is updating a lot faster than I thought it would...I'm trying to get it all up before I get writer's block! *shudder***

 **Anyway, just another bit of clarification (I seem to be giving a lot of those, haha). When I say it takes place twenty years in the future, I mean from the episode Act Your Age, so Phineas and Isabella are in their late forties/early fifties. It'll make sense as to why I had to put it so far into the future in about a chapter or so. But for now...**

 **Chapter Three, coming right up!**

 **And a million thanks to Galaxina-the-Seedrian for reviewing! Reviews make my day, guys… I love hearing from you! Cheesy, I know, but true.**

 **You know you love me, IzzytheGreat14**

/\0/\0/\0/\0/\

Marie sighed as Thomas pulled a bong from under his bed. He'd invited her to his house to do homework.

"Your mom is, like, in the next room," Marie protested.

"She's in denial. It's totally convenient," Thomas giggled, lighting and inhaling in one smooth step.

He held the bong out to Marie, who made a face.

"Dude, it's therapeutic," Thomas sing-songed.

"Right," Marie said sarcastically. "It's medical marijuana to treat your ADD."

"Totally," Thomas chuckled, holding the bong out again.

"I don't put anything in my mouth that's on fire," Marie said cooly. Thomas shrugged, putting the bong out.

"I guess that's a good rule," he admitted.

Then he closed his eyes and leaned forward to kiss Marie. She panicked and dashed out of his room. He followed her onto the street, calling her name.

"Look, I can't do this," Marie said, walking as fast as she could down the street to her house, Thomas hot on her heels. "I'm like, one fuck-up from disaster."

Thomas grabbed her wrist as she reached the house he knew was hers, tuning her to face him.

"Your life is not a disaster," he countered, his tone verging on desperation. "The environment is a disaster. _Sprint_ is a disaster."

"You're stoned," Marie scoffed, but she didn't leave.

"LIsten, our planet is poison. Everything is degrading," Thomas rambled.

"That's true," Marie replied, "and I totally care, but-"

"I'm trying to tell you I love you!" Thomas blurted.

"What?" Marie almost shrieked.

"The world keeps getting hotter. There are so many wars. We're dancing on the edge of destruction."

"This is one fucked-up seduction," Marie groaned.

"The only thing that's working is that you're standing there. Look, I could be perfect for you. I might be lazy, and a loner, and a bit of a stoner, but I'll make myself perfect for you. I can be perfect for you," Thomas said, pulling Marie closer to him by the wrist and caressing her face gently.

"I can be perfect for you," Marie echoed.

Thomas leaned in, and their lips met halfway.

/\0/\0/\0/\

Isabella watched from an upstairs window with her son by her side.

"Are you spying on your own daughter?" he chuckled.

"When did she get a boyfriend? How did I miss this?" Isabella lamented.

"Well, you kinda miss a lot," her son pointed out.

"Do you think they're in love?" Isabella sighed, almost dreamily.

"Who knows? They're young. They're horny. It happens."

He left, and Isabella frowned.

/\/

 _"Marry me!" Phineas cried, putting a hand on Isabella's knee._

 _"What?" Isabella said, completely floored._

 _"Marry me," Phineas repeated. "Let's have a family. I know we're too young, but we're not. I'm almost twenty-two. And how do you know this isn't a sign saying we belong together?"_

 _Isabella sighed, playing with the hand resting on her knee._

 _"How do you know it's not a sign saying 'get new rubbers'?"_

 _"Because I know it's not. I love you."_

 _He pressed a hand to her still-flat abdomen._

 _"And this baby," he said._

 _"Phin...this is crazy," Isabella said fearfully._

 _"Maybe it is," Phineas grinned._

/\/

"I miss being the wild one," Isabella sighed, watching as Marie pushed Thomas away and ran inside. "I miss the highs and the lows. The pain and the ecstasy."

Then she shook her head.

"But...mountains like that make you crazy," she murmured. "This...medicine haze, it's safe. It's even. It's...not real."

Isabella pushed away from the window and went to her medicine cabinet. Her son, who had been sitting on the stairs, followed her curiously.

"I'm sick of these meds," she said, uncapping the first bottle and emptying it into the toilet. "I want to feel something again. I miss my life."

When all the bottles had been dumped into the toilet, Isabella frowned, suddenly unsure.

"Are you sure about this, Mom?" her son asked.

"Do you think it's a bad idea?" she said anxiously.

"I think it's a great idea," he cooed. "I think you're _brave_."

He moved to flush the meds, and Isabella stopped him.

"What will your father think?" she hissed.

He shrugged.

"Nothing, if he doesn't know," the boy said, and pushed down on the lever.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four already? Wow, I must like you guys or something ;)**

 **Anyway, this is the chapter with the trigger warning for character death. You'll see why, I can't spoil it for you.**

 **And thanks again to Galaxina-the-Seedrian for reviewing the last chapter! Maybe more of you can follow that example…;)**

 **So anyway, get ready for a huge plot twist this chapter!**

 **You know you love me, IzzytheGreat14**

/\0/\0/\0/\

"It's gonna be good," Phineas hummed as he sat at his desk at the company he ran. "It's been two weeks, and it's working, and-"

His phone rang, and he answered.

"Hello?"

" _Oh, hi, sweetie!"_ Isabella chimed _. "Everything's great here, fantastic! I disinfected the entire house, rewired the computer, and did some decoupage. Okay, bye-bye."_

She hung up, and Phineas blinked.

/\0/\0/\0/\

"It's almost been a month," Phineas grinned into his bedroom mirror, adjusting his tie, "and she's as happy as a clam! The sex is still amazing and we don't stay up too late. Do I look great? I am."

He heard voices outside and hurried downstairs.

"Marie!" he cried, flinging open the front door. "And this must be Timmy."

"It's _Thomas_ ," Marie's boyfriend corrected.

"Come in! Why don't you join us for dinner?" Phineas invited.

"Um, Dad, Thomas can't really stay," Marie protested. "He's got…homework."

"It's gonna be great. My wife is making roast beef," Phineas chattered, grabbing Thomas's hand.

"He needs to go have surgery!" Marie cried.

"Isabella makes the best roast beef," Phineas noted, pulling a startled Thomas into the house.

"He's got rabies!" Marie called halfheartedly as she followed the boys into the dining room.

"We'll sit down together like a family should," Phineas grinned, noting that there were four places set already.

They ate dinner quickly, and then Isabella smiled, getting up and going to the kitchen.

"Ooh, dessert," Marie said happily.

"It's gonna be great," Phineas beamed.

"Oh-kay, it's someone's birthday!" Isabella called from the kitchen, entering the dining room with a large birthday cake.

"Whose birthday is it?" Thomas asked as Phineas's face fell and Marie froze.

"My brother's," Marie said flatly after a moment.

"I didn't know you had a brother," Thomas frowned.

"I don't," Marie said. "He died before I was born."

Phineas rose and walked over to Isabella, who was trying not to cry at the look on his face.

"What?" she asked brokenly, voice cracking. "What is it?"

"He's not here. Love, I know you know this. He died, a long time ago. You need to let him go. No, my love, he's not here," Phineas said gently.

"This is fucked," Marie muttered.

"Language," Phineas reprimanded.

"Fuck this!" she cried, standing and running up the stairs.

"It was wonderful to meet you both," Thomas said politely, and followed Marie, leaving Phineas and Isabella alone.


	5. Chapter 5

**So here's the next chapter for you guys!**

 **So far, Galaxina-the-Seedrian remains my only reviewer. I'd like to thank them for their continued support :)**

 **This is a pretty long chapter, but you guys like that, right?**

 **Anyway, thanks again for all your support. It would mean the world to me if you would please leave a review, but I'll be all right if you don't.**

 **You know you love me, IzzytheGreat14**

/\0/\0/\0/\0/\

Phineas took the cake from Isabella's hands and set it on the table. Isabella walked across the dining room to grasp the banister of the staircase for support.

"What about the new meds?" Phineas asked, and Isabella sighed, beginning to clear the table.

"We have the happiest septic tank on the block," she confessed, stacking plates to take to the kitchen.

"Jesus, Iz...they were working," Phineas sighed, rubbing a hand across his tired eyes.

"They weren't really," Isabella said shakily, walking toward the kitchen with the plates.

"We'll get a new round," Phineas concluded. "We'll call Doctor DuBois-"

"NO!" Isabella screamed, throwing the plates to the ground.

"Isabella, look," Phineas groaned. "I know this is hard."

"You know?" Isabella said in a deadly voice. "Really? What exactly do you know?"

"I know that you're hurting. I am, too," Phineas said.

"Really? Do you have trouble getting up in the morning? Do you feel jealous of the obituaries? Do you feel like you're on a cliff and you don't know when you'll fall? You don't know that feeling, Phineas! I'm dying alive!"

"Isabella," Phineas sighed.

"Do you know what it's like to scream but never make a sound? To fall but never hit the ground, forever bracing for impact? Have you watched every color fade to white and gray and black? I know you haven't! If this gets me, it will kill me, and _I don't know why!_ " Isabella screeched, gathering handfuls of cutlery and throwing them to the ground.

"Then tell me what you're afraid of!" Phineas cried. "Tell me why I'm afraid it's me!"

He reached out to grab her shoulders, and she flinched away.

"Can I even touch you? We've been fine for so long!"

She crossed her arms and glared at him, a clear indication not to touch her.

"Dammit, Izzy! I'm holding on, and I won't let go, even if you do! I'm the one who knows you, who cares, who's always been there! If you think I don't give a damn, then obviously, you don't know who I am!"

Isabella heard her son come up behind her, and she closed her eyes.

"Could you leave me on my own?" Phineas cried. "Are you bleeding, bruised, broken? Does it help you to know that I am, too?"

"He's lying," their son whispered. "He doesn't really care. He wants you on the meds, remember? He wants me to go away."

Phineas, unable to hear his son, continued.

"Tell me what to do so I can see what you see and help you through it! Tell me who I need to be to make a difference to you!"

"Look at me," his son said, stepping out from behind Isabella. "Just look at me, Dad! Why can't you see me?"

Phineas made no indication that he could hear or see his son.

"I am the one who's helped you, Isabella! Please, let me in. Let me keep helping you."

Isabella opened her eyes as her son backed up to the other side of the room.

"He doesn't know what you're going through," her son said. "I do. He says he's there for you, but he's lying."

Isabella looked at her son and back to her husband.

"I won't let you go," Phineas said softly.

"He's lying," her son hissed. "He already has."

Isabella's eyes hardened.

"You say you're hurting like me, Phineas, but I don't believe you. I know you don't know what I'm feeling. Why don't you just go? Take your lies and your patronization and just get out!"

Phineas reached for Isabella, but she retreated to her son's embrace.

"You don't know," she said.

"Isabella," Phineas said.

"You don't know," Isabella repeated, clinging to her son.

"You just don't know who I am," the boy spat at his father, holding his mother close.

"Dammit," Phineas breathed, turning away as Isabella buried her face in her son's shoulder.

/\0/\0/\0/\0/\

"When she gets like this, she's useless," Marie told Thomas. "She can't use the phone, can't drive-"

"I bet she's got great pills," Thomas mused, using a pocketknife to carve an apple.

Marie gave him a hard look.

"Not that I'd go there!" he protested. "That shit's inorganic!"

"And totally ineffective, apparently," Marie muttered, flopping back onto her bed.

"I'm old school. Dying breed," Thomas informed her. "All the preppies and the jocks are raiding their parents' medicine cabinets and...popping Xanax and…snorting Aderall."

"Really?" Marie said, sitting up.

"Believe me," Thomas grinned. "I'm a master of the lost art of making a pipe out of an apple."

He tossed her the apple, now carved into a makeshift bong.

"Yeah," Marie laughed, catching it effortlessly. "You're the MacGyver of pot."

Then she hesitated, looking down at the object she held.

"Promise this'll help?"

"No," Thomas said honestly. "Why?"

"My older brother overshadows me completely. My mom is obsessed with him, to the point where she ignores me. It's like, compared to what my brother could have been, I'm nothing. If he's Superboy, I'm the Invisible Girl," Marie said.

Isabella appeared in Marie's bedroom doorway.

"What do you want, Mom? My brother isn't in here," Marie said acidly. "It's just me, you know, the daughter you wish you could trade for your son back."  
"You know that's not true, Marie," Isabella said. "You make me so proud. You know I love you."

Marie just raised an eyebrow.

"I love you as much as I can," Isabella amended, and fled.

"See? Look at that. Once again, my brother takes priority over me. Look at me, Thomas. I'm afraid, if you stop looking...I might disappear."

"I win," Marie's brother whispered through the open door, just as Marie closed her eyes and took her first hit of marijuana.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! It's me, back again.**

 **Sorry for the delay, but I plan on usually updating Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, depending on when I can get to a computer :)**

 **Thanks again to Galaxina-the-Seedrian for continuing to review and support me through this story. It's always nice to know that someone's reading this :)**

 **So anyway, here you go. Another fairly long chapter for you.**

 **You know you love me, IzzytheGreat14**

/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\

Phineas and Isabella stood in the waiting room of yet another clinic.

"Let's not get discouraged," Phineas said optimistically. "We'll find a doctor who'll treat you without the drugs. There's someone out there for you. In the depression chatrooms, they say it's like dating. You have to keep going until you find the right match."

"They have depression chatrooms?" Isabella queried.

"And this doctor's supposed to be fantastic, a real rock star! Three different women at work gave me his name."

Isabella blinked and frowned slightly.

"Three women at work know I'm nuts?" she asked dryly.

"Uhhh…." Phineas said.

A door opened, and he turned.

"Ah!" he said, gesturing to the man who entered.

"Isabella? This way, please. I'm Doctor Horowitz," he said, leading Isabella to a room with a couch and a desk. Phineas didn't follow, choosing to wait in the car as usual.

As soon as the doctor closed the door, the lights changed, and a guitar riff came out of nowhere.

 _"Yeahhh!"_ the doctor sang, sounding like a rock star, and Isabella froze as the lights returned to normal.

"What did you just say?" she asked cautiously.

"I said welcome. Have a seat. It's nice to meet you," the doctor said.

Isabella sat, and as she did, the lights changed again.

 _"Let's get it on now, baby!"_ Doctor Horowitz sang, and Isabella sat as far back as she could, blinking rapidly as the lights faded back to normal.

"Excuse me, what?" Isabella said.

"I said let's get started. Are you nervous, Isabella?"

"I am, a little. A bit out of breath," she confessed. "Tingly, actually. Now you go."

Doctor Horowitz chuckled.

"Let's start by getting to know each other a bit," he said. "Psychotherapy and medication work best in tandem, but we can try the first alone and see how far we get. Why don't you tell me…"

Isabella braced herself as the lights changed once more, and the doctor began to sing again.

 _"Baby, what's your history? Where'd you go and who'd you see, yeah!"_

As Isabella squeezed her eyes shut for a moment to compose herself, she sensed the lights returning to normal.

"Um...my history?" she said, opening her eyes. "Well, I was diagnosed bipolar...wow, sixteen years ago. Only it turned out 'bipolar' didn't totally cover it."

"Often the best we can do is put names on collections of symptoms," Doctor Horowitz told her. "It's possible bipolar has more in common with schizophrenia than depression."

"When I was young, my mother called me high-spirited," Isabella said. "She would know. She was so high-spirited they banned her from the PTA."

"Sometimes there's a predisposition to illness, but actual onset is only triggered by some traumatic event," the doctor noted.

"I never know what to say when I have to go over all this," Isabella sighed. "It starts to sound like some story I tell about some other person entirely."

"Well, why don't you tell me about the last time that you truly felt happy," the doctor said. "Were you happy when you...got married?"

"I thought I was," Isabella said honestly.

"There's a difference between being happy and just thinking you're happy?" the doctor queried.

"Most people who think they're happy just haven't thought about it enough. Most people who think they're happy are actually just stupid," Isabella declared, and Doctor Horowitz chuckled.

"I see. Were you happy when your son was born?" he asked.

"My son?" Isabella said.

"Tell me about him," the doctor requested.

"About my son?" Isabella repeated.

"Why is he still around? Who is he? _What_ is he? Where does he come from, even?"

Isabella frowned.

"Oh, Mother," she heard him say, "I'm everything. I'm your dream and your nightmare. I own you, and you can't get rid of me, but you don't want to. I am what might be. You can't tell if I'm real or not. I'm so alive, Mother. I'm alive."

/\/

"Four times a week?" Marie demanded. "That's a lot, isn't it?"

"It's what the doctor recommended," Phineas told her.

"This is never going to get better, is it?" Marie groaned. "He's never going away!"

"I don't know, Marie," Phineas sighed.

"This is one of those moments when you could just be a typical parent and lie and say yes," Marie cried.

"Yes!" Phineas exclaimed.

"Thanks, that's comforting," Marie spat, and made her way to her room.

/\/

"I am so many things," Isabella's son said. "I'm flame and fire and destruction and decay and desire. You can't change who I am, even though you brought me to life. I'm a perfect stranger, and I know you too well. I'm alive."

/\/

"You know, Marie, it's not all about your comfort," Phineas cried, following her up the stairs. "It's about helping your mother!"

"As always!" Marie screamed, and slammed her bedroom door. Phineas stormed off.

/\/

Isabella's son moved a bag with a few bottles of pills in front of Marie's bedroom door. When she flung it open an hour later, she frowned, crouching down to see what was in it.

"Risperdal...Valium...Xanax," she read off the labels.

She didn't see her brother's triumphant grin as she exclaimed, "What the hell!"

Marie took the drugs to her room and swallowed one of each pill.

/\/

"I'm alive! Even if you try to forget, I'll remind you! You can't hide from me. If you try to deny me, I'll never die! If you won't grieve me, you won't leave me behind," Isabella's son gloated.

/\/

"You say he's eighteen now," Doctor Horowitz said. "Isn't that when kids move out? Isn't it time to let him go?"

"No!" the boy cried, and Isabella flinched. "You can't leave me, Mom! I need you!"

"I don't know," Isabella whispered brokenly. "I don't know if I can let him go."

/\0/\0/\0/\0/\

"It's been four weeks," said Doctor Horowitz, "and I'd like to try something new today. Sometimes when these stories are hard to tell, hypnosis can be helpful."

"Oh, I don't think I can be hypnotized," Isabella laughed. "I mean, it's fine, I'm just...not the type."

"Put your feet on the floor," the doctor instructed. "Put your hands in your lap, and breathe."

Isabella complied with a sigh.

"Walk with me," the doctor began soothingly. "Walk with me. Go all the way down, down a long flight of stairs. Go step by step into the darkness down there."

"Should we turn on a light? You know, with the stairs?" Isabella said facetiously.

"Walk with me down a hall," the doctor said. "It's a hall that you know. At the end there's a door, but you've never seen this door before. Open the door, Isabella. Open the door."

Isabella stiffened.

"Can you hear me, Isabella?" the doctor said gently.

"Yes," Isabella breathed.

"Are you nervous?"

"No," Isabella said.

"Good. Now, make up your mind that you can tell your story. Make up your mind that you want to be well."

All of a sudden, Phineas was there, crouching by Isabella's side in a memory.

 _"Izzy, you come home from these sessions in tears. Is this helping or...Izzy? Izzy?"_

She brushed the memory away and began to speak.

"We were both undergrads. Architecture. The baby wasn't planned, neither was the marriage. I had always expected to be too busy, but when the baby came, it all seemed to make sense, until...until…"

"Until?" Doctor Horowitz probed.

Another memory flashed through Isabella's mind.

 _"He's not here. Love, I know you know…"_

"No," Isabella said.

"Make up your mind that you can do this. Make up your mind that you can admit what you have lost and live with the cost. Make up your mind that even though it might hurt, you can heal," the doctor instructed. "In our first session, you told me that talking through your history…"

 _'Catch me, I'm falling,'_ Isabella thought.

"...Feels like it's about someone else."

 _'Please hear me calling.'_

"Make it about you."

 _'Catch me, I'm falling for good.'_

/\/

"Hey," Thomas said to Marie as she paced, backstage at her winter recital. "I'm not supposed to be backstage, but…"

He thrust a bouquet of flowers at her.

"For luck," he blurted.

"Did you see my parents out there?" Marie said frantically, brushing aside the flowers.

"Um, are you okay?" Thomas said.

"I'm fine," Marie insisted. "My dad said they'd both be here."

"Then I'm sure they will be," Thomas reassured.

Marie turned to face him, still for once in a long time.

"Will they?" she implored.

/\/

"We had Marie to...and I know she knows…" Isabella said, still in her trance. "I couldn't hold her, in the hospital. I couldn't let myself hold her."

"That's the first time you've mentioned Marie in weeks of therapy," Doctor Horowitz noted."

/\/

"Goddammit!" Marie cried, peering through the curtains. "She's not there!"

/\/

"Make up your mind you want clarity. Take what you know and then make it make sense. Face what you fear. Isabella, your visions are just your defense."

/\/

Marie walked out onstage, and the audience quieted.

"Um, thank you for coming. Marie Flynn."

She sat at the piano and began to play.

She soon messed up, but took a deep breath and started again.

/\/

"Let's try to understand what all this is doing to you," Doctor Horowitz said. "Your grief for your son. Your distance from Marie."

/\/

Marie fumbled again after a few measures, and stopped playing.

"Fuck," she muttered. "I'm sorry, I just...the thing is, I…"

Suddenly, she stood, and began to shout.  
"You know what the problem with classical is? It's so rigid and structured! You have to play the notes on the page! There's no room for...improvisation!"

"Oh, no," Thomas breathed, and Marie sat back down and began to do what she had learned from Thomas in all those weeks in the practice room.

She improvised.

/\/

"Unresolved loss can lead to depression," Doctor Horowitz said.

 _'Catch me, I'm falling.'_

"And fear of loss to anxiety."

 _'Flying headfirst into fate.'_

"The more you hold onto something you've lost, the more you fear losing it."

 _'Catch me, I'm falling. Please hear me calling.'_

"Depression, anxiety…"

 _'Catch me before it's too late.'_

"Depression, anxiety…"

 _'Catch me...Please catch me.'_

"It becomes a cycle."

 _'Catch me, I'm falling!'_

"Wouldn't you like to be free from all that, finally? Wouldn't you like to go home and clear out his room, maybe spend some time with your daughter?" Doctor Horowitz said.

/\/

"Uh, should we go?" Thomas asked Marie, after the concert. She was huddled in a ball backstage, mascara smudged from her tears.

She nodded, and let him help her up.

/\/

"Wouldn't you like to let your son go at last?"

"Yes," Isabella breathed.

"Mom!" her son protested, but she held up a hand to silence him.

"Yes, I would," she whispered, and wiped away the tears that had fallen.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! It's me, back again :)**

 **So, I've counted, and I estimate that there will be about 14 chapters. Just so you know :)**

 **I hate to spoil anything, but trigger warnings are so important, and I don't want to trigger anyone. So anyway, this is the chapter with the trigger warning for attempted suicide. It's not at all graphic, but it is present.**

 **If you want to hear the song Isabella sings, you can look up I Dreamed a Dance on YouTube. It should be the first one.**

 **Many thanks to Galaxina-the-Seedrian and "Rebb-R-001 for reviewing! I'm glad you guys are liking this story :)**

 **So without further ado, to the chapter.**

 **You know you love me, IzzytheGreat14**

/\0/\0/\0/\0/\

Isabella followed her husband into her son's room.

Phineas was carrying a cardboard box filled with the boy's belongings. He turned on the light, turning to face Isabella.

"This is good, Izzy," he said, handing her the box and caressing her arm. "It's a good step."

Then he kissed her cheek and left her alone to go through her son's things.

She sat in the rocking chair she'd used to rock her baby to sleep countless times and opened the box.

The first item was an ivory blanket. Isabella smiled sadly and hugged it to her chest before setting it on her lap and reaching into the box for the next item.

It was a music box. Isabella gasped softly and opened it, her eyes filling with tears as she heard the familiar melody.

She hummed a few bars before she began to sing.

 _"I saw you light the ballroom_

 _With your sparkling eyes of blue_

 _Graceful as an angel's wing_

 _I dreamed a dance with you._

 _You whispered slyly, softly._

 _You told me you would be true._

 _We spun around a thousand stars,_

 _I dreamed a dance with you."_

Isabella looked up as her son entered the room in a white tuxedo. He offered her his hand, and they began to waltz as she sang.

 _"I know the night is dying, dear._

 _I know the day will dawn._

 _The dancers may disappear, still the dance goes on."_

Isabella stopped, trying hard not to cry. Her son pulled her close and she rested her head on his chest.

 _"And on…"_ he sang.

She sniffed, and continued.

 _"I'll wake alone tomorrow_

 _The dream of our dances through."_

Isabella's son pulled away and kissed her hands before he drew away and slowly walked to the door as she finished her song through tears.

 _"But now until forever, love,_

 _I'll live to dance with you._

 _I'll dream, my love_

 _I'll live, my love_

 _And I'll die to dance with…"_

Isabella's son froze, turning back to where his mother stood, hand over her mouth, tears streaming down her face. He walked back over to her.

"It doesn't have to be like this, Mom," he said gently. "I know a world where we can go where there's not any pain. We'll be free. I'll show you where it is. Come with me, Mom."

Isabella took the hand he offered, and took a few steps with him.

"Come with me. There's a world where we can be free…"

Isabella frowned, glancing at the picture resting on the top of the box. It was one of her with Phineas, holding her brand new son in a hospital bed.

"Phineas…" she whispered.

"Come with me," Isabella's son said, and Isabella, who had been hesitating before, let go of her inhibitions, and went with her son.

/\/

"Flynn, Isabella," Doctor Horowitz read from his clipboard. "Discovered unconscious at home. Multiple razor wounds to wrists and forearms. Self-inflicted. Saline rinse, sutures, gauze, IV antibiotics. Isolated, sedated, and restrained. Dammit."

He turned to where Phineas was standing.

"ECT is indicated," the doctor said.

"Wow. I mean, they still do that?"

"We do, yes. It's the standard in cases like this. She's got a long history of drug therapy and resistance, She's acutely suicidal. It's really our best option," Doctor Horowitz said.

"Well that's kinda...terrifying," Phineas said.

"It's not," the doctor soothed. "The electricity involved is barely enough to light a hundred watt bulb."

"Oh, well if it's just a hundred watt bulb…" Phineas cried sarcastically.

"It's safer than crossing the street, and the short term success rate is over eighty percent," the doctor said.

"I thought she was better," Phineas said quietly.

"Sometimes, patients recover just enough strength to follow through on suicidal impulses, but not enough strength to resist them," Doctor Horowitz informed.

"Well that seems very...fucked," Phineas muttered.

"Yes," the doctor agreed. "Now, for the ECT, legally we need her consent. Hospital policy is we need yours, too."

"I don't think she's gonna go for this," Phineas laughed darkly.

"Mr Flynn," the doctor said sternly. "We can administer the ECT and you can bring her home in ten days, or we can keep her sedated for 48 hours, then discharge her and wait for her to try again."

Phineas sighed, looking at his hands. The doctor frowned.

"Look, go home, take the night. We'll talk to her in the morning."

/\0/\0/\0/\

Phineas entered his son's room with a bucket, looking at the blood crusted on the rocking chair and floor.

"I don't know what to do," he sighed to himself. "I have to help her, but I don't even know where to start. All those fancy diagnoses and prognosis reports and medical terms they throw at us...in the end, nobody knows what's going to happen with her. Every day, it just gets worse and worse, and I know my fears want to be acknowledged, but I won't let them. I won't. I have to take care of Isabella. She's the most important thing."

He crossed the room and knelt by the chair, trying hard not to cry as he regarded the picture in the box. He quickly shoved the music box and the blanket on top of it and put the lid on.

"How could she do this?" he cried. "How could she? After all I've done, after all I've sacrificed for her… When she went flying, I kept her steady. And now that I need someone to help me out, there's nobody! I'm just so tired..."

Phineas didn't see his son in the doorway as he began to clean off the chair and the floor.

"I'm here, Dad," his son whispered. "I've always been here."

But Phineas just kept cleaning, and his son left.

"I've never had to face anything without her," he continued. "Can't anyone see this is killing me, too? I'm killing myself to help her. My suicide is just...slower. I've been at her side for years. We've had our highs and our lows, but this is the worst it's gotten. I know she's hurting, but I can't stop trying to help her. I need her. I can't do this alone."

Phineas dropped the rag he was using back into the bucket and sat on the floor for a moment, taking deep breaths. He would not cry. He had to be strong for Isabella.

He stood just as Marie appeared in the doorway of her brother's room.

"Dad, why didn't you take me with you?" she demanded.

"You know, we don't see much of you these days. Is this Thomas a good influence?" he said sharply, carrying the bucket past her and down to the kitchen. She followed.

"Like, compared to what?" Marie cried.

Phineas froze on the stairs, tilting his head to the side.

"Okay, that's fair," he admitted, continuing to the kitchen.

"What happened? Is she okay? The school just told me she was in the hospital," Marie said anxiously.

"She tried to kill herself," Phineas said shortly. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Dad!" Marie protested, but Phineas didn't respond, and Marie soon gave up, going to her room and pulling her secret stash of pills out of her sock drawer, ready to forget everything.


	8. Chapter 8

**Wow. Two updates in one day? I must like you guys or something ;)**

 **It's been a bit of a lazy day for me. My only class today got canceled, and I haven't really had anything to do. So I've been writing mostly, haha.**

 **This chapter marks the end of Act One of Two of Next to Normal. I think you'll like it…**

 **Anyway, many thanks to Galaxina-the-Seedrian, Rebb R-001, and Shira17 for reviewing! I love to hear from you guys!**

 **So without further ado, chapter eight!**

 **You know you love me, IzzytheGreat14**

/\0/\0/\0/\0/\0/\

Isabella was lying on a hospital bed, with a white robe over a purple hospital gown. Her hair, for once since her childhood, was down, and flowed around and over her face. She was huddled in a ball, arms around her stomach, legs pulled up to shield her chest.

"The aftereffects are minimal," Doctor Horowitz said. "You'll feel a bit like you have a hangover."

"Mom, don't let them do this," Isabella's son said, standing at the foot of her bed. "It causes brain damage!"

/\/

If there was one thing Marie had inherited from her mother, it was stubbornness. She pestered her father until he told her what was going on with her mother.

He was reading a newspaper in the living room when she finally broke him.

"Daaaaaadddd," she whined, slumping onto the couch. "I just want to know what's happening to Mom and why she can't come home! The hospital won't tell me anything. Just tell meeeeeee. Then I'll leave you alone…"

Phineas sighed, lowering the paper.

"Your mother's in for a new treatment, ECT," he said.

"Okay, LMNOP," Marie frowned. "What is that? I don't know."

"Electroconvulsive therapy," Phineas told her. "Shock therapy."

Marie froze, sitting up straight.

/\/

"A minority of patients report some memory loss, but it's usually not much memory," Doctor Horowitz continued.

"How do you know how much memory you've lost if you've lost it?" Isabella's son cried.

/\/

"You're kidding, right?" Marie said.

The look on her father's face told her that he was most definitely not kidding.

"Dad. That's bullshit!" she cried, jumping off the couch and running to the stairs.

"Language!" Phineas admonished halfheartedly.

"It's bullshit!" Marie screamed. "She _trusts_ you!"

"Marie!" Phineas cried warningly. "I'm doing what's best for your mother!"

"BULLSHIT!" Marie screeched, and slammed her bedroom door.

"I'm running an errand," Phineas yelled up the stairs, grabbed his keys, and slammed the front door on his way out.

/\/

"Patients have said it's like becoming a new person," Doctor Horowitz finished, but as he did, Isabella sat up, a furious scowl on her face.

"Didn't I see a movie like this? That hospital was bad enough, but this one is worse! Isn't this the one where the good guys fry in the end? Didn't I cry when I watched that movie?"

"The modern procedure is clean and simple," the doctor soothed. "Hundreds of thousands of patients receive it every year."

"What makes you think I'd lose my mind for you?" Isabella cried, crawling across the bed to come face to face with her doctor, who took a step back in shock. Her son smirked, though the doctor couldn't see. "I'm not a sociopath! Stay out of my head! I'm not a princess of pain!"

Then, as the doctor looked on in confusion, she stood on the bed, yelling down at him.

"I remember that movie. The patient got impatient and left."

Then she plopped down, stood on the floor, and removed her robe.

"Well, I know how this ends, and I think you do, too. I won't do it!"

She strode towards the door, only stopping when Phineas appeared in the doorway.

He didn't say anything at first, merely looking at his disheveled wife. He took the clipboard from the doctor, who moved to stand outside the door.

"Isabella," Phineas started. "Do you know what I see when I go home? I see one light shining from our house. Our house, Izzy. So why am I living there alone?"

Isabella's face creased. Phineas continued gently.

"Why do I wait through the night with the light on? I know you know our house was a home, a long time ago. We can make it that way again, Bella."

Isabella flinched at the old nickname. He hadn't called her Bella since…

Phineas broke her train of thought by saying, "You just have to take this chance. If you don't...I don't know what will happen. We can be free, we can be happy...we can be husband and wife again. We can make it so our love never dies."

He held out a hand to Isabella. She frowned, regarding him from across the room.

"Take my hand, and let me take your heart, and keep it safe. Let's start with that."

Isabella crossed the room and took his hand, standing close to him. She put her free hand on his chest.

"Phineas...I want to go home. I don't like it here. It's like nothing I've known."

"I know, Bella. I know. And if you take this chance, it's possible that we can go home for good. Please, Bella. Take a chance."

"I can't get through this alone," Isabella and Phineas whispered at the same time.

"Do this, please, Bella," Phineas said softly. "We can start over, far from the issues that are keeping us apart. We can find the light shining in the dark. You know we can, Bella."

Isabella sighed, letting go of her husband's hand and sitting back down on the bed. He sat next to her and held out the clipboard.

She took it and signed it.

Phineas smiled and leaned in. Their lips met in a gentle kiss. The doctor entered the room quietly and took the clipboard from where Isabella had set it on the bed.

Phineas and Isabella separated, and Phineas smiled.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too, Phineas."

A nurse stuck her head into the room and cleared her throat.

"I'm sorry, Mr Flynn, but visiting hours are over," she said, and Phineas nodded, getting off the bed and walking to the door.

"You can do this, Bella. I know you can."

Isabella smiled weakly and nodded, and Phineas left.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys! I hope you're enjoying reading this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it.**

 **Thanks to Galaxina-the-Seedrian and Rebb R-001 for reviewing. You guys make this story worth it :)**

 **You know you love me, IzzytheGreat14**

/\0/\0/\0/\0/\

Marie laughed and tugged at Thomas's hand.

"Come on, this is my favorite club! Let's go in," she giggled.

"Isn't three clubs a little much for a Tuesday night...Wednesday morning?" Thomas said, looking at his watch. Marie laughed again.

"Oh, come on. They're playing my favorite song!" she coaxed.

"They're all your favorite song," Thomas pointed out. "What are you on?"

"Adderall, and Xanax, and Valium, and...Robitussin," Marie said.

"When did you become a bad influence on me?" Thomas questioned.

"Hey!" Marie protested. "I am under _stress_. My mom is…in a hospital, being electrocuted."

/\/

Isabella laid on a hospital bed, eyes closed as Doctor Horowitz and another man in scrubs entered the room.

"Good morning, Isabella," Doctor Horowitz said. "It's good to see you."

/\/

"Seriously," Marie said, walking away as Thomas scurried to follow her. "She gets it, like, every day for two weeks. I can't even deal. I'd never let them fuck with my brain like that."

"No," Thomas cried. "You're strictly a do-it-yourselfer!"

/\/

"I see you've met our anesthesiologist. Now just breathe normally, relax, count backwards from 100, and before you reach one, you'll be asleep. When you wake up you may feel some muscle stiffness, disorientation...Don't worry, it's completely normal."

Isabella didn't respond, and Doctor Horowitz frowned.

"Isabella. Isabella?"

Then he smiled, looking up at the anesthesiologist.

"Good."

He attached the electrodes to her scalp, and the ECT began.

/\0/\0/\0/\0

Isabella opened her eyes to find herself looking down on her body in the hospital bed, convulsing as the treatment was administered. She regarded the process, fascinated.

"Wow. So this is what it feels like to be electrocuted," she mused. "I feel so...different, so exhilarated. Like someone hit the reset button. They told me it would change me, but they don't know how much it does. Everything is so much clearer now. I wish I were here."

/\/

"Marie, why are you doing this?" Thomas begged. "Stop the drugs. Please. You're hurting yourself."

"You have no idea how much better things are on these pills, do you?" Marie said. "It's...everything. I can feel everything, and nothing. It's like the winter wind and fire at the same time. I'm the light and heat of every sun. I'm a bullet that's been fired from some magical gun."

Then she frowned.

"But I'm missing it all. I mean, I think I'm feeling hope, and heat, and fear, but I can't tell."

/\/

Isabella turned to see her daughter standing behind her.

"Sweetheart!" she greeted cheerfully. "What are you doing in my electricity?"

"It's always about you, isn't it," Marie grinned. "I'm Robo-tripping! I can't feel my legs!"

"I don't want you doing drugs," Isabella said in concern.

"That's persuasive, coming from the Pfizer Woman of the Year," Marie snorted. " _You're_ the one who's hallucinating."

"It's my treatment," Isabella smiled. "It's a miracle. Everything's different now."

"I know what you mean," Marie said wistfully.

"Plug me in and turn me on and flip the switch, I'm good as gone. It slips my skin and trips my brain...I feel the burn, but I don't feel the pain!" both women said, and Isabella smiled as Marie disappeared.

"So nice to finally be able to understand her," she mused.

/\0/\0/\0/\

"Marie! Marie!" Thomas cried.

Marie stirred and sat up. Thomas supported her head and helped her.

"Dammit," he said. "This is, like, the fifth night in a row I've had to come find you at some random club."

He helped her stand and practically carried her to his car.

/\0/\0/\0/\

"Isabella," Phineas said, entering the room where Isabella, in a blue dress Phineas had brought her from home at the beginning of her treatment.

"Phineas," she cried softly, recognizing him.

He held up the shoes he was carrying and knelt down by her feet to help her put them on.

"Your two weeks are up. It's time to go home," he said with a smile.

"Home?" Isabella questioned. "But…"

"Shh," Phineas said. "Don't talk. Relax."

/\/

Marie leaned against the wall of her house.

"Okay, you can go," she informed Thomas dully. "I'm, like, seventy percent less messed up now."

Thomas raised an eyebrow, and Marie groaned.

"Seriously. My dad's gonna be home any minute. He's bringing my mom from the hospital this morning and you don't wanna be here."

Thomas sighed.

"Will you call me?" he asked.

"Just...go," Marie sighed, and he did.

Marie looked up at the sky.

"Can I hide my stupid addiction? Can I fake enough confidence and cheer that they won't notice anything's wrong?"

Then she sighed.

"Well, I've been doing it for years," she muttered, and turned around and went inside.

/\/

"We're here!" Phineas called, and Marie made her way into the kitchen as Isabella entered, looking around in mild surprise.

"Hey! Wow," Marie said, looking at her mother. "You look great."

Phineas helped Isabella take her coat off as she smiled.

"Oh. Well thank you," she said.

Then her brow creased just slightly.

"And who are you?"

Marie and Phineas both froze, turning to look at the black-haired woman.

"Who am I?" Marie said, shocked.

"Isabella, this is Marie," Phineas said.

Isabella raised her eyebrows.

"Your daughter," Marie said with a hint of acid.

"Oh. Of course," Isabella said, looking around. "And this is our house?"

"Isabella, don't you...You don't remember any of this?" Phineas said.

Isabella shrugged.

"I should, right?" she said wryly.

"Don't you remember this house? We built it together, Izzy. You and me. Do you remember last Christmas?"

Isabella frowned.

"Last year?" Phineas prompted.

Isabella merely shook her head.

"Do you remember planting the cherry tree out back?" he said, slightly hysterically. Isabella blinked and looked out the window.

"Ooh, it's so pretty! You're sure I live here?" she said.

"You really don't remember?" Phineas said desperately, and Isabella shook her head.

"How I wish I could," she said.

"Okay, okay...what about our house on Walton Way? It had a red door," Phineas said. Isabella shook her head again.

"What about my first few steps? My first lost tooth?" Marie cried.

Isabella merely looked saddened.

"What, nothing?" Marie said.

"To tell the truth…" Isabella said.

"Jesus," Marie breathed.

"Surely you remember the day our child was born," Phineas said, moving to stand by Marie. "Our baby girl's first cry? It was a rainy morning. Possibly the best morning of my life."

Marie rolled her eyes but smiled a little.

Isabella snapped her fingers.

"I remember the day we started dating. You told me you'd had a crush on me all through high school," she said. "You had no idea that I'd had a crush on you for years."

"Yes," Phineas said excitedly, moving to grasp Isabella's hand. "And then?"

Isabella frowned.

"I forget."

"But that's almost twenty years, Isabella," Phineas said.

"That… Doctor Henry said there might be some memory loss," Isabella said.

"Doctor Horowitz," Phineas corrected.

Isabella sighed.

"Well, see, there you go," she said.

"What a lovely cure!" Marie shouted. "It's a miracle. Her brain is so pure she doesn't know a thing! Oh my God, this is ridiculous."

And Marie turned and stormed out of the room, retreating to her bedroom like always.

Isabella looked at Phineas worriedly.

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely. "I'm trying. I promise."

"I believe you," he said gently. "Marie's just a little emotional right now. She'll come around."

/\0/\0/\

Marie walked as fast as she could down the school hallway. If she didn't hurry…

"Hey," she heard Thomas say from behind her.

"Hey," she replied grudgingly.

"I've missed you," he said. "I thought you might call. It's been weeks since we've even really talked."

"I've been a little busy," Marie said.

"You look like a mess. Have you been on the scene?" Thomas asked.

Then he frowned.

"Are you clean?" he queried.

"Oh, that's rich, coming from you," Marie spat.

"I don't do what you do," Thomas protested.

"Okay, how did it start?"

"But you took it too far."

"Oh, I took it too far? Don't you dare tell me that, Thomas Fletcher."

"Are we over?" Thomas asked. "Don't tell me we're over."

"Don't you want us to be?" Marie demanded.

"No. I want you back. The real you, the one that's not on drugs."

Marie glared at him and turned to stomp away.

"Hey...will you come to this dance with me?" Thomas said, holding up a flier. "It's a spring formal dance. It's on March first. It looks cheesy, but it should be fun, and it's free."

"I don't do dances," Marie said.

"Do this dance with me," Thomas pled.

"Goodbye, Thomas," Marie said, turning around and walking away.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello, friends!**

 **So I got a review from a guest named Marie (haha, how funny!) who requested that this story have a happy ending. However, at the risk of kinda spoiling it, it's not a Hollywood ending. But, since it's just an adaptation, I'll probably stick to the storyline and write an optional epilogue of my own making. That way, if you like your endings bittersweet, you can stick to the original storyline, but if you like your endings sweet enough to cause cavities, you can read the epilogue. Sound fair?**

 **Anyway, thank you to Marie, Rebb R-001, and Galaxina-the-Seedrian for your reviews! I love hearing from you guys!**

 **So anyway, after the long author's note, here is the chapter (finally, haha).**

 **You know you love me, IzzytheGreat14**

/\0/\0/\0/\0/\

Phineas and Isabella were sitting in the doctor's office, waiting for Doctor Horowitz to enter the room.

"How are you feeling, Isabella?" Phineas asked. She looked at him and shrugged.

"Fine, I guess," she replied nonchalantly.

The door opened, and Doctor Horowitz entered.

"Ah, Isabella. I see you've reported some memory loss."

"Yes," Isabella said. "I've lost about twenty years."

The doctor frowned.

"Well...this much loss is rare, but it has been reported. It may be partly psychogenic. At times like this, the mind tends to repress troubling memories, but...they're still there, somewhere. They tend to return in fits and starts."

"But it's been two weeks," Phineas protested.

"A little loss of memory is completely normal. In fact, it can help with allaying Isabella's fears," the doctor said.

"I couldn't giving a flying fuck what's normal," Phineas retorted. "We haven't had a normal day in years."

Doctor Horowitz smiled indulgently.

"Isabella, are things becoming clearer with the treatment?"

"Well, yes," the woman replied.

"Is life less cloudy than it was before?"

"Yes."

"Do you still feel your head is filled with concrete?"

"No," Isabella smiled. "And you're not a scary rockstar anymore."

She stood and left, and Doctor Horowitz blinked.

"Okay," he said. "Great."

"But what about her memory?" Phineas said.

"The memories are there somewhere. You just have to remind her. Show her some pictures," the doctor recommended.

"Uh, should I bring up the subject of…"

"Yes," Doctor Horowitz said. "But keep it light. Don't distress her. Wait until you feel the time is right, and that's she's adjusted to her life and isn't feeling so confused. Don't worry, Mr Flynn. You'll get her back."

/\0/\0/\

Marie, Isabella, and Phineas gathered around the kitchen table. Phineas had a box filled with scrapbooks and memorabilia.

"Okay, Izzy," he said. "Let's start off with something small. I bet you'll know what these things are."

He held up two rings, and Isabella frowned.

"They look like tacky trinkets from...I don't know, Atlantic City," Isabella said.

Phineas shook his head.

"Actually, Izzy, they're our very first wedding rings."

"It's going well," Marie said sarcastically.

"Here's a flower from the wedding! It was such a sight to see, Izzy. The ceremony was so beautiful."

"Um, Dad?" Marie said dryly.

"Well, that's how I remember it."

"It was raining, it was Portland, you eloped," Marie said. "I mean, Portland?"

Phineas rolled his eyes.

"We can get things back to better than before, Marie."

She snorted, going through the box curiously.

"Um, missing a few pictures, aren't you, Dad? Didn't the doctor say…"

"The doctor said at the right time," Phineas said.

"Oh, well then," Marie drawled, but let it drop.

"Ooh," Phineas said, opening a scrapbook. "Here's the year we took a road trip! We hit the highway and just drove. We visited the Painted Desert, and the Grand Canyon...oh, and Marie learned what her middle finger meant!"

Marie groaned and flipped her dad off.

He ignored her, continuing showing Isabella pictures.

"Here's our first house, the one on Walton Way! We loved that house, but it was kinda small, so we built this one. And here's one of everyone smiling! You can barely even tell it's been Photoshopped!"

Isabella picked a picture up out of the box.

"Ooh, we're standing by a lake with some ducks on it! And who's this little chubby girl?"

"That's Marie," Phineas said.

"This sucks," Marie muttered.

"Marie," Phineas said warningly. She sighed and threw her hands in the air.

"Fine!" she cried, and reached into the box.

"Here's the headline in the paper when you freaked out at the store," she said, showing Isabella, who blinked.

"Here's the house on Walton Way after the fire."

"Marie," Phineas warned.

Marie shot him a look and continued.

"Here's the damage to the car when you showed me how to park it."

Isabella took the picture and frowned, squinting at it.

"Did we crush a cat beneath the tires?"

"Yes, ours," Marie said, and pulled out another picture.

"Here's Dad at one of my recitals, and we're wondering where you are."

Isabella took that picture, too.

"I remember this," she said. "I made it to the school…"

"Wait, you remember?" Phineas asked hopefully.

"It was the year of too much lithium. I hid out in the car," Isabella recalled.

"Yes!" Phineas said excitedly.

"And your swim meet just last year...I'm in the pool," Isabella blinked.

"So you are," Marie muttered.

"You're getting it!" Phineas said excitedly, grabbing Isabella's hand.

She turned to her daughter.

"Your life has kinda sucked, I think," she noted.

"You've got it, yay, hooray," Marie cried sarcastically.

"I'm gonna remember what I forgot. I'm gonna find out who I was," Isabella said optimistically.

"And memory always makes things better," Phineas smiled.

Even Marie began to smile as she and her parents went through the memorabilia.

Finally, Marie came across an old music box sitting at the bottom of the box. She moved to hand it to her mother, but Phineas snatched it away before she could. Isabella frowned, but she let it go.

/\0/\0/\

Isabella's son sat on the stairs, watching as his mother went through the box of memories again and again, combing through it for something. She didn't know what she was seeking.

Phineas came down the stairs, frowning as he saw his wife going through the box again.

"Izzy, honey, you've been at this for days."

"There's something missing, Phin," Isabella replied. "It's like it's tugging at me. I can almost see it."

"Come to bed," Phineas said. "If the memories are meant to come back, they will."

Isabella nodded distractedly, and Phineas sighed, heading back up the stairs to their bedroom.

"They've managed to get rid of me. But even though they've gotten rid of the memories, they can't get rid of my impact on your soul. You'll remember me sooner or later. I'm a big part of your life," Isabella's son said.

A knock sounded on the door, and Isabella answered it. Thomas stood there.

Isabella's eyes widened as she tried to remember who he reminded her of.

"Oh, hi, Mrs Flynn. I just needed to talk to Marie about...some homework. I know it's late, she's not answering her…is everything all right?"

"Thomas," Isabella cried breathily.

"Yes," Thomas said uneasily.

"You remind me of someone… How old are you?"

"Seventeen. Why?" Thomas replied.

Isabella shook her head and smiled wryly.

"I don't know. Marie's in her room," she said, allowing him to pass. He darted up the stairs.

Isabella's son sighed as Isabella went back to looking through the box, searching desperately for something she could not remember.

"Don't worry, Mom," he said softly. "They think your life will go back to normal, and it will, but I'll always be there. I know you'll remember me eventually. Even if there's nothing to remember, is there nothing left to grieve?"

"What am I forgetting?" Isabella breathed.

/\0/\0/\

Thomas knocked on Marie's door, and she opened it.

"Ugh, it's you. I thought you were my dad," she grumbled.

"Listen, Marie, just give me five minutes, please?" Thomas begged.

"Fine," Marie sighed, moving aside. "Five minutes."

Thomas entered her room and stood awkwardly for a moment. He cleared his throat, and she crossed her arms and frowned at him, unimpressed.

"So, um...hey," he said.

"Hey," she replied.

"So, tomorrow is the dance… It's annoying, I know, but let's go to it."

"Not a chance," Marie said.

"Let me know you again," he begged.

"Not right now," she denied.

"Okay, when? Say wait and I'll wait."

"It's already too late."

"Why do I get denied?" Thomas asked sadly.

"You remind me too much of me, and how screwed up I can be," Marie said honestly.

"Okay," Thomas said. "Okay."

They stood in silence for a moment.

"Let's start over, Marie," he said finally. "I'll come by tomorrow at eight. If you show, we'll go to the dance. If you don't, well..we'll see."

"You just don't give up," Marie sighed.

"So don't give up on us," he begged.

"Goodbye, Thomas," she said, and shut her bedroom door.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys! This story is coming along a lot faster than I thought it would! I'm really enjoying writing it, and I hope you're enjoying reading it! :)**

 **Thank you again to Galaxina-the-Seedrian, Rebb R-001, and Marie for reviewing! I love hearing from you guys :)**

 **So, without further ado, Chapter 11 (already! wow!)**

 **You know you love me, IzzytheGreat14**

/\0/\0/\0/\

Isabella paced in front of Doctor Horowitz, who sat at his desk.

"It's been four weeks, and my mind is still a mess," Isabella cried. "I don't even know what I've forgotten. My past is like the weather the way it comes and goes. I'm some Christopher Columbus in my own mind, trying to figure out where I'm going and what I have left to remember! I know there's something missing. I wish I knew what it was! You tell me to take it slow, and I do, but I don't know how I'm doing it!"

Doctor Horowitz stood.

"Are you talking with your husband?" he asked.

"Well, he hasn't got much to say about the past," Isabella muttered.

"Is it helping you remember?"

"Well, I remember that's his way of doing things," Isabella replied.

"Does the puzzle come together, piece by piece?"

"I don't know!" Isabella cried. "I don't know where the fucking pieces go! I don't know how this started, so I won't know when it's done!"

"Have you talked of your depression, your delusions, and your son?" the doctor asked.

Isabella froze, turning to look at Doctor Horowitz like she'd just seen a ghost.

"My what?" she said.

"Your husband didn't…"

The doctor sighed and steepled his hands.

"I think you two should talk more," he said.

Isabella waited for a moment.

"We should talk more? That's it?" she said. "I don't even remember marrying this man! It's not like I'm some...sexually frustrated soccer mom."

"Interestingly, the underlying challenges are similar," Doctor Horowitz mused.

Then he smiled.

"I'll see you next week," he said, and turned to leave the room.

"But…" Isabella said.

"Next week," the doctor said gently, and left the room, closing the door gently, allowing Isabella to collect herself before she had to go home.

/\0/\0/\

Once Isabella was home, she made her way up the stairs while Phineas stayed down in the kitchen to make dinner.

As she was about to go into her bedroom, her eye was drawn to a room she hadn't gone in since…

Well, as long as she could remember.

Something was drawing her to the door, so she took a few steps toward it.

She rested her hand on the doorknob, and blinked as a memory surfaced.

/\/

 _"I'm going to put the baby to bed, Phineas. We all need some sleep."_

 _"Okay, Bella. I'll grab the pacifier and meet you there in a second."_

 _"Thanks, Phineas. Oh, could you also grab a bottle? I forgot it."_

 _"No problem, honey. I'll be there in a minute."_

/\/

Isabella opened the door.

Her eyes swept over a crib, a rocking chair, and a changing table, all collecting dust. The walls were painted blue, and a cardboard box sat in the middle of the floor.

Isabella frowned, walking over to the box and lifting the lid. It had hardly any dust on it.

The first thing she saw was a music box, the same one Marie had almost handed to her when they were going through the box of memories.

She picked it up, and another memory flashed through her mind.

/\/

 _"Will you hand me the music box, Phineas? I can't get the baby to settle down."_

 _"Sure, Bella. Poor little thing. Never seems to get any rest. You made the appointment with that doctor for tomorrow, right?"_

 _"Yes, but I doubt he'll find anything the last four doctors missed."_

 _"We just need to keep hoping, Bella. It'll all work out."_

/\/

Isabella opened the music box. Strains of a half-forgotten tune drifted through her mind, and she gasped.

Phineas rushed into the room.

"What are you doing?" he said frantically, grabbing for the music box.

"What is this?" Isabella questioned, holding it out of his reach.

"Where'd you get that?" he demanded. "It's nothing, just an old music box."

"We played it for the baby," Isabella recalled. "Sometimes it helped him sleep."

Then she frowned.

"Him…" she said. "We did have a boy."

"Isabella, you shouldn't…" Phineas said.

"We were still living on Walton Way when it happened," Isabella reminisced. "I was wearing my black coat over my blue nightgown. You drove too fast, and the baby was in the backseat…."

"Please, don't. It's not a good idea," Phineas begged.

"How could I ever forget? That morning was cool and wet. The baby was so small, so still...He was only eight months old...and he was so cold," Isabella said mournfully. "We ran him into the emergency room. We were so lost, so worried. I remember that hospital room…I remember screaming at doctors…"

"Isabella, don't, this won't help you!"

"They told us to wait, they never said we were too late!" Isabella cried, tears beginning to form. "And I didn't know anything...I was a child, trying to raise a child…"

"There was so much we didn't, no, couldn't, know," Phineas said.

"Those weeks full of joy...then, a moment of dread...someone simply said...'your child is'…"

"Isabella, please," Phineas begged. "Stop."

"How could I ever forget?" Isabella whispered. "That day that we lost him…"

"It's clear as the day we met," Phineas said sadly.

They stood in silence for a moment, tears rolling down Isabella's cheeks. Neither of them noticed their son standing by the rocking chair, looking at both of them tenderly.

"Why would you want to remember the things that hurt you?" Phineas asked softly.

"I want to remember everything, Phineas!" Isabella said. "How did he die?"

"He was sick," Phineas said.

"With what?" Isabella cried. "Why wasn't he treated? What was wrong?"

"It was something the doctors all missed...They just said babies cry. Allergies, gas, who knows why? And I was a child, raising a child," Phineas said.

He grabbed Isabella's shoulders. She jumped, but let him hold her. He was on the verge of tears as he remembered.

"We stayed up all night...most nights you slept at his side, but still he just cried, and cried…"

Phineas let Isabella go and turned away, sniffling.

"He was a baby when he died, but...I remember him older," Isabella said hesitantly.

"No," Phineas said sharply. "He was a baby. We should call Doctor Horowitz."

"Why should we call Doctor Horowitz? I'm just trying to make sense of all this!" Isabella cried. "God...what was his name? I don't remember ever hearing you say his name. Why is that? What was his name? Tell me."

"It's gonna be fine, Izzy," Phineas said. "We'll call the doctor cause we caught this just in time."

"Our son...what was his name?" Isabella demanded.

"It's gonna be fine, you'll see," Phineas said, reaching for the music box.

"What was his name?!" Isabella screeched, slapping his hand away.

"It's gonna be fine," Phineas repeated, snatching the music box. He threw it, and it shattered against the wall.

"Jesus!" Marie, who had been passing her brother's room on the way to her own, yelped.

She hurried down the hall to her room, followed by Thomas.

"Why stay?" Isabella yelled at Phineas. "Why stay? Why don't you just give up and go on with your life? Everyone knows you tried to help me, but somehow, it's falling apart! So why do you stay?"

What Isabella didn't know was that four rooms down, Marie was demanding the same thing of Thomas.

"Why stay? Enduring and coping and hurting and hoping for every single day! Why don't you just leave?" both women demanded. "We'd all understand it, and most of the world would say you're better off that way!"

"Because I made a promise," Phineas stated simply. "I said 'forever'."

Thomas, down the hall, was saying the same thing to Marie.

"I said whatever will come, we'll come through. I don't know how, but I know that I promised, so I will. And even when I question it, I know I promised. And nobody made me promise. I promised my life to a girl who was shining so brightly. Just because her light may have dimmed doesn't mean she's any less beautiful to me."

In her room, Marie finally broke down and rushed to Thomas, embracing him.

Isabella's eyes were softening, but she still looked slightly hostile, so Phineas kept reassuring her.

"I said forever then, Izzy. I promised you, under a chuppah in front of God and our families, that I would stay by your side forever, and I'm making that promise again right now."

Phineas drew Isabella into a hug. She allowed him to embrace her.

But after a moment, she pushed him away. Her eyes had focused on something, someone standing by the rocking chair. Someone who bore a striking resemblance to both Phineas and Isabella. Someone whose name Isabella could not recall.

"I am more than memory," the boy said softly. "I am what might be. I am mystery. Come closer."

"Phineas," Isabella gasped. Phineas looked at the chair and back to his wife.

"Isabella, there's nothing there," he said.

"I am old as time and forever young," the boy said. "I am every song that will stay unsung."

"Oh, no," Isabella breathed, and hurried out of the room.

"God dammit!" Phineas cried.

"Marie!" Isabella called.

"Isabella, come back here!" Phineas yelled.

"Until you name me, you can't tame me!" Phineas's son taunted him. "This is a game I know all too well! I'm alive, I'm alive! The medicine failed and the doctors lied! I am death defied! I'm so alive!"

"I can't go to your dance," Marie told Thomas, grabbing her purse. "I have to take my mom to the doctor."

"I'll drive," Thomas offered, following Marie down the stairs to where Isabella waited in the car.

"No," Marie said.

"Let me help," Thomas begged.

"You can't!" Marie cried. "Look, I'll try to come later."

"I'll wait for you there," Thomas said.

"Marie!" Phineas cried, hurrying down the stairs, but she ignored both men, getting into the car, starting it up, and speeding off into the night.

"I'm alive! I win!" Phineas's son crooned. "Game over, Dad. _I win_."


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey! It's me, back again, with the next chapter.**

 **So this is gonna be the second-to-last chapter, not including the epilogue. A lot happens in these chapters.**

 **Thank you so much to Marie and Galaxina-the-Seedrian for reviewing the last chapter. It really means a lot to me when I get reviews.**

 **But I'm sure you don't wanna read a huge long author's note, haha. So without further ado, Chapter 12.**

 **You know you love me, IzzytheGreat14**

/\0/\0/\0/\0/\

Isabella burst through the door of Doctor Horowitz's office. Marie was out in the lobby, causing a scene so her mother could get past the nurses.

"Isabella!" the doctor exclaimed, standing in alarm as Isabella gripped the doorframe.

"They told me that the wiring was somehow all misfiring and screwing up the signals in my brain, and then they told me it wasn't the neurons misfiring, it was that all the hormones were completely out of balance. What happens when the burn has healed, but the skin has not regrown? What happens when the cast, at last, comes off, and then you find out it was always a different bone that was broken?"

Doctor Horowitz blinked.

"What?"

"It didn't work," Isabella half-sobbed. "The ECT didn't work."

"Relapse is very common,Isabella," the doctor reassured. "It's upsetting that the delusional episodes have returned, but it's not entirely unexpected."

"They tried a million meds and they strapped me to their beds and they shrugged and told me 'that's the way it goes'...and then, you figured it out! I asked you why it worked, but you shrugged and told me no one really knows? What happens if the medicine wasn't really in control?"

Isabella slumped, and Doctor Horowitz lunged, catching her by the elbows and helping her to the couch. She sat down on it, wrapping her coat around herself like a protective shield.

"What happens if the cut, or the burn, or the break was never in my brain, or in my blood, but in my soul?" she whispered.

Doctor Horowitz crouched in front of Isabella.

"Make up your mind that this is clarity you didn't have before," he soothed. "The treatment is strong, but lasts only so long. It may be your mind's needing more."

"Let's say that's not it," Isabella said faintly.

"The ECT is powerful. It gave you your life back. But the effects fade, and additional treatments are almost always needed."

"That wasn't on the form!" Isabella cried, alarmed.

"Make up your mind that you will try again. There is no cure, Isabella. But that doesn't mean we don't fight."

 _Catch me, I'm falling…_

"We'll return to talk therapy," Doctor Horowitz said.

 _Sinking and sprawling…_

"There's more work to do."

 _Maybe I'll let myself fall…_

"You might have a look at…"

 _Watch me, I'm falling…_

"...a new drug regimen."

 _Maybe the falling isn't so bad after all…_

"There are other promising treatments."

 _Watch me, I'm falling_

 _Watch me, I'm flying_

 _Somehow surviving!_

Isabella stood abruptly, and Doctor Horowitz rose as well.

"Isabella, you have a chronic illness, like diabetes or hypertension. If you leave it untreated, it could be catastrophic."

"I understand," Isabella breathed. "But there has to be another way."

She took a step toward the door, and Doctor Horowitz shook his head.

"Stay with me, try again. Don't walk out on treatment. Don't lose what you've struggled for years to win. We're only beginning to understand."

Isabella turned with tears in her eyes.

"My first psychiatrist told me that...according to the manual...grief that continues past four months is pathological...and should be medicated."

She sniffed, and frowned.

"Four months?" she said softly. "For the life of my child? Who makes these decisions?"

"It's a guideline, nothing more," Doctor Horowitz said.

"Yes," Isabella agreed. "Nothing more."

She turned again, and took another step.

"Stay with me, try again," Doctor Horowitz pled. "We know that medicine isn't magic, or perfect, but it's all we've got."

Isabella turned, hand on the doorknob, and smiled faintly.

"Goodbye, Doctor Horowitz," she said, and walked out of the office.

/\0/\0/\0/\

Marie was waiting for her mother outside the clinic, having been escorted out by the nurses.

"What did he say?" Marie asked.

"He said I could do more ECT or...go back on the meds," Isabella said.

"And what are you gonna do?" Marie asked.

"I'm going to take you to your dance," Isabella answered.

"Mom," Marie protested.

"It's time for you to start thinking of your own happiness," Isabella said gently.

"It's not happiness," Marie groaned. "It's Thomas."

"You love him," Isabella observed.

"Mom, you can't just walk out on your doctor."

Isabella sighed.

"Maybe I've finally gone crazy. Maybe I'll never be sane again. I'm dancing with death, I suppose...but really, who knows? Could be I am crazy to go. You know, they say you should stay with the devil you know, but listen to me, Marie. When your life needs a change, if the devil you know won't change for you, go with the devil you don't know."

Marie blinked.

"So, what? You're just gonna...wing it?"

Isabella smiled.

"Maybe I'm tired of the game. I always seem to come up short of the rules. And I think you feel that way, too. I see me in you, you know," she said. "A girl full of anger and hope….a girl with a mother who just couldn't cope…"

Marie sighed and closed her eyes.

"A girl who felt caught," Isabella continued, "and thought no one could see, but maybe, one day, she'll be free."

"It's so lovely that you're sharing," Marie finally exploded, opening her eyes. "No, really, I'm all ears. But where has all this...understanding been for the last sixteen years? All those years I prayed that you'd just go away...half the time afraid that you really would. When I thought you might be dying, I cried for all we'd never be. But I won't cry anymore."

Isabella stared sadly at her daughter.

"Oh, sweetheart. I really hurt you, didn't I?"

"Ya think?" Marie spat, folding her arms around her middle.

"Maybe we can't be okay," Isabella said, "but we're tough, and we'll try anyway. We'll live with what's real and let go of the past. And maybe, I'll finally see you."

"I don't believe you," Marie said.

Isabella sighed.

"Marie, when...seventeen years ago, your brother died...of an intestinal obstruction."

Marie let her arms drop to her side, staring at her mother as she continued.

"He was eight months old. The doctors missed it… Your father and I didn't know anything. We were kids, not much older than you. I'm so sorry we never talked about that. We wanted to give you a normal life."

Isabella huffed a laugh.

"I realize now I have no clue what that is," she drawled.

"Mom…" Marie said. "I don't need a normal life. That's way too far away. But something next to normal would be okay. Close enough to normal to get by."

"We'll get by," Isabella said, drawing her daughter into a hug.

"We'll get by," Marie echoed softly, clinging to her mother.

Isabella smiled as Marie drew back.

"Okay," Isabella said softly. "Now go to your dance."

"What about you?" Marie asked.

"I'll walk," Isabella smiled. "I could use the exercise, and the time to figure out what to tell your father."

"Okay, Mom," Marie said, turning away.

Then she hesitated, turning back around to hug her mom again.

"I love you," Marie whispered.

"I love you, too, little one," Isabella said softly, kissing her daughter's hair. "Have fun at your dance."

And Marie smiled, turned, and hurried to the car, headed for the dance where Thomas Fletcher waited for her.


	13. Chapter 13

**...And we have arrived. The final chapter of the original storyline. Of course, I'll be writing the epilogue. And I was thinking about maybe posting a few one-shots set in the Just A Breath Away From Perfect 'verse...what do you guys think?**

 **Anyway, thanks to Marie, Galaxina-the-Seedrian, and Rebb R-001 for reviewing the last chapter! I really do love hearing from you guys. :)**

 **So, without further ado, Chapter 13!**

 **You know you love me, IzzytheGreat14**

/\0/\0/\

Marie rushed up to the front doors of the school. She slowed when she saw Thomas, sudden doubt flashing through her mind.

But the click of her shoes on the concrete caught his attention, and he turned. His eyes widened, and he smiled.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," she replied.

"You look like a star," he breathed.

"Oh, I do?" Marie smiled.

"And you are," Thomas assured her.

He took a step towards her. She smiled.

"Hey, you came," he said.

"Well, I said that I might," she replied nonchalantly.

"I thought we were through, me and you," Thomas said hesitantly, and Marie grinned.

"Not tonight," she said gently.

"Will your mom be okay?" Thomas asked.

"Well, she might be someday."

"But for now it's all fine?"

"She's still on my mind…"

"Can you leave it behind?" Thomas queried. "Stay. Let's see this thing through."

"Am I crazy? I might end up crazy," Marie said, almost pleadingly.

"I'll be here for you," Thomas reassured her, stepping forward and taking her hands.

"You say that right here, but what about in a year? Or ten? Or a life? I could be your wife! I might end up sitting staring at walls, throwing shit down the stairs, freaking out at the store, running nude down the street, bleeding out in the bath-"

"Shhh," Thomas said, pulling her closer so he could look her straight in the eyes, moving his hands to cup her face.

"Listen, Marie. I will be perfect for you. So one of us could go crazy, it's true. Sometimes life is insane, but if there's one thing I know I can handle, it's crazy. Cause crazy is perfect, and fucked-up is perfect, so I will be perfect…"

"Perfect," Marie repeated.

"Perfect for you," both said in unison, and leaned in, lips meeting in a tender kiss.

They parted, and Marie smiled up at Thomas, wrapping her arm around his waist as he wrapped his around her shoulders.

They entered the school together, ready to take on the world if necessary.

/\0/\0/\0/\

Phineas was reading a book in the living room when Isabella entered, holding a suitcase.

"So anyway, I'm leaving," she said quietly. Phineas froze.

"I thought you'd like to know," Isabella continued. "You're faithful, come what may, but clearly, I can't stay. We'd both go mad that way. I'll try facing life on my own, but I'll be free."

She set the suitcase down and crossed the room to crouch in front of Phineas.

"With you always beside me to catch me when I fall, I'd never know what the ground feels like. With you always believing that we can still come through, it makes me feel so foolish to know it's not true."

She smiled sadly, standing up straight and crossing back to her suitcase.

"What doctors called dysfunction, we tried to call romance. And it's true, it's quite a trick to tell the dancers from the dance, but rather than let chance take me, I'll take a chance!"

She picked up the suitcase and make her way halfway across the room before she paused again.

"I can leave, or I can stay and die. I loved you once, and though you love me still, I know it's time for me to fly."

She finished crossing the room, pausing beside the door.

"I loved you once, and though I love you still, I know it's time for me to go. Goodbye, Phineas."

She paused for a moment, tears in her eyes, hesitating. But then, she took a deep breath, picked up her suitcase, nodded at her son, who was standing behind Phineas, and walked out the door.

The click of it shutting echoed through the house, and Phineas dropped his book.

"I am the one who loved you. I am the one who stayed," he said quietly to himself. "I am the one and you walked away."

He leaned forward and rested his face in his hands.

"I am the one who waited, and now you're acting like you don't even care. I don't think you ever knew who I am," he said, and took a deep, shaky breath, trying not to cry.

"I am the one who knows you. I am the one you fear," Phineas's son said. "I am the one who's always been here."

He moved to stand by his father, who sat up straight.

"I am the one who'll hear you," the boy said. "I know you told her that I'm not worth a damn, but I know you know who I am."

"No," Phineas said, closing his eyes as if trying to will his son away.

"I know you know who I am," the boy repeated.

"Can't you just leave me alone?" Phineas begged tiredly.

"I know you know who I am," his son said, moving to kneel behind his father.

"Why didn't you go with her?!" Phineas cried, and his son wrapped his arms around him, holding him down in the chair as Phineas tried to stand and leave.

"Cause I'm holding on," Phineas's son said.

"Let me go," Phineas grunted.

"And I won't let go."

"Let me go!" Phineas cried.

"I am the one who held you," both boys said in unison. "I am the one who cried. I am the one who watched while you died. I am the one who loves you. I tried pretending that I don't give a damn."

Phineas's son stood.

"But you've always known who I am," he spat, and Phineas turned to face him with tears in his eyes.

"Jonny. My Jonathan," he said, and the boy smiled sadly, kneeling to hug his father.

"Hi, Dad," he said.

The front door opened, and Jonathan stood, walking into the dining room, leaving his father alone.

Marie entered the house, frowning at the lack of light.

"Dad?" she said, walking forward as the door closed behind her. "What the hell? Why are the lights off?"

Phineas shook his head.

"Where's Mom?" Marie asked.

"She's, uh...She's…" Phineas started.

"Gone."

It was more a statement than a question, but Phineas nodded.

"Yes," he said.

"So, it's just me and you, for now," Marie said.

"Yes," Phineas said again, and broke down into quiet tears.

"Okay," Marie said. She moved over to the lamp that sat by her father's side and turned it on.

"First of all, we need some light. You can't sit here in the dark, Dad. It's just you and me, but we'll live, you'll see," she reassured her father, and Phineas nodded.

"We've waited too long for everything to fix itself, Marie. We need to move on," he said resolutely, standing and helping her with her coat. She smiled and allowed him to take it. He drew her into a hug, and she gratefully accepted it.

/\/

Across town, in a familiar house, Isabella stood at the window of her childhood bedroom.

"You can't wish your cares away," she said softly. "You can try all you want to fight what you feel, but some hurts just don't heal. Some ghosts are never gone, but we still go on. You find some way to survive, and you realize you don't have to be perfectly happy to be happy you're alive."

She smiled a little, and turned to unpack her clothes.

/\/

Thomas and Marie were setting the table for Marie's birthday dinner.

"So...do you know where she went? Have you heard from her?" Thomas asked. Marie smiled.

"She's staying with my grandparents."

"Do they actually exist?" Thomas teased.

"Yes," Marie laughed.

"So that's good, right?" Thomas asked.

"Well, going home has never been a solution to any of my problems," Marie said facetiously.

"That's what you have me for," Thomas grinned.

"Seriously?" Marie groaned playfully. "You're like, number three on my list of issues."

"You keep a list?" Thomas laughed.

"But you're my favorite problem," Marie grinned, playfully punching his shoulder.

"That's all I ask," Thomas said.

"You know what?" Marie said. "I'll take the clouds and the rain and the grey if it means I'm alive. Pain is the price we pay to feel."

/\/

"The price of love is loss," Doctor Horowitz said to Phineas, "but still we pay. We love anyway."

"I know you can't tell me if you're still treating her," Phineas said, and the doctor nodded. "I just...I wonder if she's okay."

"I think she's working on it," the doctor said.

"Do you think she'll come home?" Phineas said forlornly.

"It's hard to know," Doctor Horowitz said.

"Right," Phineas agreed, and turned to leave.

"Phineas," Doctor Horowitz said, and Phineas turned back. "Would you like me to recommend someone for you to talk to?"

"Oh, no, I…" Phineas started automatically, but then he stopped and smiled.

"Yes, I would," he said. "Thank you."

/\0/\0/\0/\

 _And when the night has finally gone,_

 _And when we see the new day dawn,_

 _We'll wonder how we wandered for so long, so blind._

 _The wasted world we thought we knew,_

 _The light will make it look brand new._

 _So let it shine._

 _Day after day_

 _We'll find the will to find our way,_

 _Knowing that the darkest skies will someday see the sun._

 _When our long night is done,_

 _There will be light._

 _There will be light._

 _When we open up our lives._

 _Sons and daughters, husbands, wives._

 _And fight that fight,_

 _There will be light._

 _There will be light._

 _There will be light._


	14. Epilogue

**All right, guys. Here we are. The final part of Just A Breath Away from Perfect. I've really enjoyed writing this, and I hope you've enjoyed reading it.**

 **Thanks so much to Galaxina-the-Seedrian and Rebb R-001 for reviewing the last chapters. Thanks to Marie as well for reviewing. Thank you guys.**

 **I'm thinking of posting a few one-shots set in the same 'verse as this story, but idk. What do you guys think? Drop me a review or a PM and let me know ;)**

 **You know you love me, IzzytheGreat14**

/\0/\0/\0/\

18 MONTHS LATER

Marie and Thomas were sitting at the kitchen table doing homework the day Isabella returned.

Phineas was upstairs, finishing up a project in his office/lab. He didn't hear the knock on the door.

Marie sighed, glancing at Thomas.

"Probably another neighbor wanting to introduce themselves," she sighed. "I'll get it."

She rose, leaving Thomas staring at her back.

"Yes," Marie said as she swung the door open, not paying attention to who was standing on the other side, "this is the Flynn residence, home of the once-legendary Phineas Flynn. But he's busy and no, I'm not gonna-"

"Marie," a soft voice said.

"Mom?" Marie gasped, looking up.

Isabella smiled and held her arms out, and Marie rushed forward, hugging her mother tightly.

"Hello, sweetheart," Isabella whispered. Thomas appeared in the doorway.

"Mrs Flynn," he said.

"Isabella," the woman corrected. "Mrs Flynn makes me feel so old."

"Are you back for good?" Marie asked, pulling back to look at her mother, who nodded.

"Yes, sweetie. I'm back for good. I've worked through your brother's death as well as I can by myself. How are your classes going? How are you, Marie?"

Marie laughed.

"My classes are going fine, Mom. And I'm doing fine."

"How is your father?" Isabella asked anxiously.

"He's coping," Marie said quietly. "He pushed away his feelings for so long, he's still trying to sort through them all. But I think you'll help."

Isabella smiled gently.

"Okay. Will you go tell Phineas there's someone here to see him?"

"Of course," Marie grinned. "Come in, sit down. I'll go get Dad."

/\0/\0/\0/\

Phineas raised his head at the knock on his office door.

"Marie, I'm busy," he called.

"Dad, there's someone here to see you."

Phineas sighed.

"Marie, I can't-"

"I think you're gonna wanna see this one," Marie said, and Phineas sighed again.

"All right, Marie," he said, getting up, "but if it's not important, I'm going to be very upset."

When he opened the door, Marie grinned and grabbed his hand.

"C'mon," she laughed. "She's waiting."

Phineas blinked in surprise. His daughter hadn't shown this much excitement over anything in years.

He let her drag him down to the living room, where a very familiar woman sat on the couch.

"Isabella?" he breathed, and she grinned, standing.

"Hello, Phineas. Whatcha doin'?"

Phineas let Marie's hand go and rushed forward, sweeping his wife into a hug and off her feet.

She laughed, clinging to him as he whirled her around in a circle before setting her down and kissing her deeply.

"Ew," Marie whispered playfully to Thomas, who had come up behind her. He rolled his eyes at her.

Phineas drew back from Isabella and smiled.

"Hi, honey," she whispered. "I'm home."

/\0/\0/\

That night, Isabella laid in bed next to her husband.

"So…" Phineas said, "what about Jonathan?"

"What about him?" Isabella asked.

"Do you still...see him?"

"No," Isabella smiled. "Not for a while. I've come to terms with his death."

Then her face fell.

"That's not to say that it's easy...I mean, he was our son, and he died, and he shouldn't have…"

"I know," Phineas whispered solemnly. "I know, my love."

"And it was so easily preventable...what I wouldn't give to go back in time and tell the doctors about his intestinal blockage…"

Phineas reached over and pulled Isabella close to him.

"I know, sweetheart. But we might not have had Marie if we hadn't lost Jonathan…"

"I know," Isabella sniffed. "But still…"

"You can cry, sweetheart. You can grieve. It's natural. It's okay," Phineas whispered.

And for the first time in eighteen years, Isabella broke down and sobbed for her son. She wailed and cried out, and Phineas held her, and together, they began the long road to fixing what was left of their hearts.

In his bedroom, Jonathan smiled and faded away for the last time.

/\0/\0/\0/\

It would never be easy, both of them knew. Life never is. You have to fight and struggle and never give up. But Phineas and Isabella both knew that they were stronger together, and no matter what happened next, they would always have each other.

They cleaned out his bedroom over the next month or so with Marie, sharing stories and memories, slowly letting him go for good. They converted it into a guest room. Marie helped repaint the room, and the three Flynns got into a paint fight, laughing like they were all kids again.

Isabella and Phineas sat in the front row as Marie graduated with honors, and they cheered the loudest of all the parents. They took her out to dinner afterwards and told her that no matter what she chose to do with her life they'd support her. When they heard that she had, in fact, been admitted to Yale on an academic scholarship, Phineas ordered the fanciest dessert the restaurant had, and Isabella told Marie that they would pay for her housing and books.

Phineas and Isabella helped Marie move, and she hugged them both goodbye. They waved and headed off to catch their flight back home.

/\0/\0/\0/\

Even in the darkest times, there is always light. Sometimes you can't see it yourself. Sometimes you need someone to fight with you, or for you, or even just next to you. Sometimes, the remedies you try work, and sometimes they don't. But either way, life is worth living. You just have to find one reason, one thing to cling onto, one thing to keep you going.

In times of trouble and grief, Phineas and Isabella, and Thomas and Marie, clung to each other. They let themselves hurt, knowing that sometimes, you have to hurt to heal. Covering a wound and then ignoring it doesn't help. And in times of light, they held each other even closer, knowing that their love would be strong enough to face whatever obstacles came their way.

Years passed. Marie graduated Yale with a degree in architecture and moved back to Danville. Phineas and Isabella built her a house across the street from where they lived.

Thomas and Marie married and had children. Phineas and Ferb grew to be best friends again, and Vanessa and Isabella hit it off spectacularly. More often than not, Phineas, Ferb, and their wives were together, smiling and talking, watching their grandchildren play in the yard.

Phineas and Isabella adored their grandchildren, and even though sometimes Isabella cried in the night for the children her son would never have, she knew that what she had with her daughter and grandchildren didn't need to be compared to what she might have had with her son and his children.

And if Marie's children had a special guardian angel in their Uncle Jonathan, well...who can say for sure?


End file.
